5...

A man in a hot air balloon, realizing he was lost, reduced altitude and spotted a woman below.

He descended further and shouted to the lady "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but Idon't know where I am."

The woman below replied,"You're in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above theground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and60 degrees west longitude."

"You must be in IT," said the balloonist.

"Actually I am," replied the woman, "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct but I've no idea what to make of your information and the fact is,I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything,you've delayed my trip."

The woman below responded, "You must be in Management."

"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneathyou to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault..."

4...

Rejection Letter

The next time you get a rejection letter from a hoped-for employer, just send them the following:

Dear [name of the person who signed the rejection letter],

Thank you for your letter of [date of the rejection letter]. After careful consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me [job title].

This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals. Despite [name of the company that sent you this letter]'s outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting [applicants/manuscripts], I find that your rejection does not meet with my needs at this time.

Therefore, I will initiate [employment] with your firm immediately following [graduation/job change, etc. -- get creative here]. I look forward to working with you.

Best of luck in rejecting future candidates.

Sincerely,
[your name]

3...

14 things a man can do at the superstore while his wife is taking her time:

01. Get 24 boxes of condoms & randomly put them in people's trolleys when they aren't looking.

02. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5 minute intervals.


03. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the ladies toilet.


04. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone:'Code 3 in Housewares... and see what happens.


05. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on credit.

06. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

07. Set-up a tent in the Camping Department? and tell other shoppers you are sleeping over and invite them in if they bring pillows from the Bedding Department.


08. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask: "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"


09. Look right into the security camera, use it as a mirror and pick your nose.


10. While handling large knives in the Kitchen Dept, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are located.


11. Dart around the store suspiciously, while loudly humming the theme from Mission Impossible.


12. Hide in a clothing rack .. . . and when people browse through, say: "PICK ME!!! PICK ME!!!"


13. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, hit the floor and assume the fetal position and scream "NO!...It's those voices again!!!" And last but not least:


14. Go into a fitting room, shut the door and wait a while... then yellloudly: "There's no toilet paper in here!"

2...

Three tortoises, Mick, Alan and Les, decide to go on a picnic.
So Mick packs the picnic basket with drinks and sandwiches.
The trouble is the picnic site is ten miles away so it takes them ten days to get there.

When they get there Mick unpacks the food and drinks. 'Ok Les give me the bottle opener, 'I didn't bring it' says Les. 'I thought you packed it'.

Mick gets worried, he turns to Alan, 'Did you bring the bottle opener?" Naturally Alan didn't bring it. So they're stuck ten miles from home without a bottle opener.

Mick and Alan beg Les to go back for it. But he refuses as he says they will eat all the sandwiches. After two hours, and after they have sworn on their tortoise lives that they will not eat the sandwiches, he finally agrees. So Les sets off down the road at a steady pace.

20 days pass and he still isn't back and Mick and Alan are starving, but a promise is a promise.

Another 5 days and he still isn't back, but a promise is a promise. Finally they can't take it any longer so they take out a sandwich each, and just as they are about to eat it, Les pops up from behind a rock and shouts........

'I KNEW IT'......I'M NOT BLOODY GOING!!

1...

Don't hate me 'cause I'm evil.

Well said, FB!   

Congrats on usurping the magic number! Evilly done!   

Thank you. Now where's my free senator position? That was the deal, right? You get 666 and you're a senator.

Now let's see who'll get reply no. 6666. Only 5998 to go.

I don't recall neilo offering that deal. Maybe it was in one of the hidden, super secret posts written in invisible pixels.

Something like

this?

  

congrats FB....

that's what I get for wanting to be magnanimous; giving my fellow evil beings the chance to get to that post. I so should have just gone for it when I was up last night. I had a nice little picture and everything.

no, but you do deserve a "shameless post wh*r*" medal

Oh i do believe Piz has some competition for his "Post Wh*re" status.

Very, very evil of you FB. I had considered doing the same thing, since i knew that the number would be surpassed whilst i was sleeping.

Damn you time zones!!! I think i will have Stewie invent me a "time zone switcher" so that i can be in whatever time zone i choose.....

As to your senatorship FB, i believe the fact that you switched your main character to the ToE is enough for you to be a Senator. Now do you want Firebender or Alcadeias promoted, your choice.

It's actually good to see this thread liven up a little we need a game on here to keep this thread active. Any ideas?

It may be time to look into a new forum host. I've been following the eamped support forums and it's starting to look like eamped's admins have no clue and are at the mercy of third parties to provide their service.

I do have a great game going that I hope to finish soon.   

to be honest, its kinda nice using this again...though the content is filtered

Geez i hope not....Might give it a bit of time before we think about doing that.

I have a game going that i'm nearly done, should be another quick 45K or so i hope.